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LOSER.COM

Are you A loser?

Do you always lose at gambling?

Do your significant others consistently leave you or turn you into their bitch?

Do you hate your job but have no other options?

Do people avoid you or fail to invite you to their events? Do you still live at home?

If any of the above apply, then you are, and

forgive me for saying this, a Loser. But there's hope.

I used to be a loser. Big time. But I got honest with myself and turned my life around. I went
from Loser to Bad Ass overnight. I even founded the McAfee School of Bad Ass.

 

*Text consultations, limited to 300 characters, will be answered in no more than 300 characters
for a reasonable flat fee. 

Voice consultations cost a bit more, with a one minute minimum.

Video consultations are negotiable depending on the Loser's degree of loserness.

Slots are limited. Sign up now by requesting a future consultation at badass@loser.com

Examples of our alpha test consultations:

From Howard S. - Chicago, Il.
"My drug dealer does not respect me. He has sold me Oregano for weed, Inositol for Cocaine and once sold me ten baby aspirin and told me it was LSD. What can I do to make him respect me?

Mr. McAfee's response:
"This is a common problem which is generally solved by the "You're Welcome" technique.

All you need is a baggie containing a dozen eight balls of Cocaine, two dozen Mollies and an ounce of Smack. Next time your dealer shows up, slip the bag in one of his pockets while he is busy ripping you off. As soon as he leaves, call the police, give them his car's license plate number and tell them you heard a woman screaming for help from the trunk of his car. He will get nicked for sure. One week into serving his 5 year sentence, send him a signed note saying "Your Welcome". Respect.

 

From Richard M. - Nashville TN
"My wife is having an affair. How can I win her back?

 

Mr. McAfee's response:
Hire a private detective capable of producing HD videos of the actual acts. Post them on your twitter account and send them to all of her friends and family. Then do your best to fuck all of her sisters, her mother and grandmother (only if still alive), her lover's wife and any daughters of age belonging to her lover (check ID's). Video it all and show it to her in private. Then go on and on about her being the worst fuck in the family. 

Before you do this, empty all the joint bank accounts and transfer all assets to your name. She will be your bitch forever.

 

From Tammy D. - San Mateo, CA.
I think my husband is cheating on me. How can I know for sure?

 

Mr. McAfee's response:
Check to see if he has a penis. If he does, and if the honeymoon is over, he's cheating on you.

**We will be featuring the coveted Loser of Week awards and Loser of the year. Stay tuned my Class.